That's All I Can Tell Ya

            So there's this chick, right.  Her name's Alexa.  I kinda like her.  Actually I really like her.  I know she likes me too.  One time she told me I was legendary.  She's good at giving compliments.  I think she thinks I got that bad boy effect because she's always giggling so much when I tell her about all the trouble I get into.  It's either that, or she just can't help herself, cause, after all, I'm a hilarious dude.  Her boyfriend's kinda funny too.  He's a cool dude.  I mean, we'll be joking around and stuff when I see him.  But quite frankly, I think I'm way more awesome.  I've got more of that social dominance or whatever it's called.  At least, I think I do, I mean, hell, she told me I was legendary.

            She lives in the same building as I do, up here on Fullerton, one floor below me.  I'm thinking that I should tell her I like her.  It would be a pretty suave move, you know?  It takes a big man to go tell a girl with a boyfriend that he's got a thing for her.  And I'm kinda short, so if I act like a big man, she might see me as a big man in a figurative sense.

            I'm thinking I should tell her, because, basically, I see no point in not telling her.  It's like, I've really got nothin' to lose.  You see, if I don't tell her, nothin' happens, and if I tell her, and nothin' happens, I'm in the same boat.  But if I tell her, somethin' might happen.  So I should tell her.  What I'm tryin' to say is, telling the chick that I like her might not give me a win, but it won't give me a loss.  In fact, it's more of an automatic win--girls like to get compliments, whether they like the guy or not.

            The only challenge is that I've gotta be tactful.  I don't wanna dole her out a big compliment without getting her to pay me back in some way.  That'd be kinda stupid.  The more I think about it, it's kinda like economics.  I'm a dude, and I've got a supply of compliments to give.  She's a chick, and she demands them.  So I've gotta give her a great one and do something awesome so she demands them from me again, instead of from other guys, who also have supplies of compliments.  I pretty much wanna make her a return customer--that's what a girlfriend is, a return customer.  So I can't just go and blindly throw it at her, I've gotta sell it to her.  I'm not just handin' her compliments, she's buyin' 'em.  I've gotta remember that.

            I suppose I might as well walk on down to her apartment and get it over with, but first let me figure out what I'm gonna say.  It's a bad idea to improvise here.  But if she thinks I'm improvising, she's gonna think it's all the more cute.  If she thinks I'm rehearsed, she's gonna think I'm scared.  As soon as she detects fear, I'm gonna lose my thunder.  That's some pretty good logic.  When I'm making a compliment, I should always try to make it seem improvised, that way the chicks will always think I just happen to be charming.  If they know I'm trying to be charming, they might figure out that there could be times when I'm not charming.  They can't know about those.  I've gotta keep good publicity to be a casanova. 

            I'm gonna say a bunch of "ums," and "ahs," so it looks like nothing's planned.  And I'm gonna steer away from commenting on her looks because, honestly, she's gonna think more of it if I do that.  If I go and tell her I like her without once mentioning the words hair, pretty, or eyes, she's gonna notice, and she's gonna know I'm telling the truth.  If she thinks I'm spittin' some deep-felt truth to her, she'll be sure to take it way more seriously.  If she takes it seriously, she's gonna become a return customer, which is what I want, because the truth really is that I like this chick. 

            I'll tell her, "I just wanted to tell you that I think you're a really cool person, (she's gonna wonder where I'm going) you know what I'm sayin, like I look at other people here (and I'll hold up my right hand), and you right here (and I'll hold up my left hand higher) (at this point, she's probably gonna be seeing my creativity shine through a little bit, so it's the perfect time to cut to the chase).  What I'm tryin' to say is that I have a crush on you.  You, catch my drift?  I've got a crush on you (I'll say it again to let it register)."

            That'll go over pretty well.  It's a nice little speech.  It's got a story format, a beginning, a middle, and an end.  I'm sure she'll appreciate that subconsciously.  She's about to get a great compliment at the end, so it's only courteous that I warm her up for it with a beginning and middle.  It's like when I used to work in that restaurant.  All the customers were hungry for a big meal so we warmed them up with little appetizers to tease them with anticipation.  If I get her asking, "what's he telling me?"  before I tell it, I win.

            Alright, alright, alright, that's probably enough with this planning.  It's time for me to make this happen.  The way I see it, there's only a certain level of tact that can be reached here, and it all depends on how much she likes me.  I can change what I'm saying a thousand times, but each time, I'm gonna end up capping out at that level. 

            I ran into my friend Salina down on Alexa's floor.  Salina lives at the other end of the block.  I don't really know why she was in my building, but when she asked me what I was doing I said, "Waitin' for Alexa.  She texted me and told me to wait for her to get back home.  She needs to borrow something."

            I had to lie because Salina would tell the whole neighborhood.  And plus, I needed to say something that would get her out of my way.  I knew she wouldn't wanna sit around waitin' with me, just cause she was bored or something, it was a Friday.

            Once Salina was out of the hallway, I stood at Alexa's door and took a deep breath.  I wasn't scared or anything.  In fact I was quite comfortable.  But I was nonetheless about to do something pretty bold, I mean, I'm tellin' a chick with a boyfriend I have a thing for her.  And stopping for a deep breath before doing what you do always makes it seem like whatever you're doing is a big deal, ya know?  I was giving myself a pat on the back, essentially.  How could I not enjoy the fact that I had such guts?

            I knocked on her door and she answered pretty quick, she must have been standing by it.  Even quicker was the smile that flew across her face when she saw me, and the jubilant, "Heeeey!"  She sang out to me.

            "Hey, what's up?"  I said, beefing up my voice a little to dramatize her experience.  I noticed that she right away eyed what I was wearing.  It was a good thing I'd put on my leather jacket.  It was a warm day, too warm for my leather jacket, but when I wear it I look like a badass, and I considered what I was doing to be badass, so I thought I'd give her a visual aide to help her draw the same conclusion.  I guess you could say that I saw the whole thing as being some sort of teachable moment.

            "Nothing much," She answered, still shinning her smile, "I would invite you in but my roommate's sleeping and I don't want to wake her.  Sorry I didn't answer your text yesterday.  I had a fever."

            She wore a some black legging pants, making her legs look pretty hot, a pair of flip flops, and a t-shirt.  It was nothing special, but she looked good.  I love it when a girl can look good in her around-the-house type clothes.  And the way she smiled at me was really something special.  I've really identified a pattern in how she uses that smile.  That's part of how I know she likes me.

            "It's all good, it's all good.  I wasn't trippin," I answered, I had to always stay cool around her, "I just wanted to talk to you for a second."

            "Yeah, sure!  What did you want to talk about?"

            She replied with a subtle but delighted enthusiasm.  Quite honestly, she couldn't have made my ease in the situation any smoother.  If she's so frickin' happy to see me, think of how happy she'll be when I tell her I like her.

            "Oh, I just wanted to tell you that," I got right into it, "uh, I think you're like, a really cool person and um, like, I kinda see other people right here and you up her (I said with accompanying hand gestures.)  Uh, what I'm trying to say is that I kinda like, have a crush on you, you know what I'm saying?  I got a crush on you."

            I was sure to keep strong eye contact throughout my little speech. It's one of those added effect type things, ya know.  I'd have liked to have checked the size of her smile and peeked at her body language a little.  But I was sure the eye contact was worth it.  It would make the moment that much more intense for her.  For some reason, I got the feeling that she kinda knew what I wanted to tell her.  It's either that, or she sort of figured it out as I went into it.  She looked very elated, but not quite flushed.

            "Ohhhhh," She responded with the typical girl-ism of ohhh, the ohhh they use to let you know you're cute -- it was something I kind of expected.  But suddenly she changed her tone to one of disappointment, "But you know, I am with Sebastian right now." She said it as if the line were rehearsed.  It was, after all, the default response of a girl in a relationship.

            "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know," I cut her off.

            "You know?"  She questioned back, surprised that I knew.  We never talked about her relationship with Sebastian (I mean, why would we, we're into each other), the only reason I knew was because I always saw them together, and I'd gotten my roommate to ask her what their status was.  Her surprise was probably a good thing, she'd be impressed that I told her despite knowing about Sebastian.  I'm a badass.  I think so anyways.  Apparently she does too.

            "Yeah, I just wanted to tell you that, cause, I don't know, I wanted to tell you," I said back, completely off the cuff.  I hadn't pre-planned that answer, but I thought it was good.  It left things open.  By being un-specific, she'll try to figure out my reason for telling her with her own conclusions, which will hopefully be to my advantage.  She nodded in acceptance of my explanation, still smiling, cause, how could she not?  I didn't really expect her to say anything else to me at this moment because I was sure she'd need time to illuminate the situation, so I was about to say, "I should probably get going," to give her the space she needed, but all of a sudden she opened her mouth again.

            "Where are you going right now?" She asked me, presumably noticing the fact that I had a backpack on my shoulders. 

            "To the library to return a book," I answered, cool headed and fresh.  I was glad to see her continue on with the conversation, the fact that she still wanted to talk after what I'd just told her gave me some real big verification on our comfortability with each other.  And compatibility for that matter.

            "Oh, well I have to go to the library to check out books,” she said. 

            "Oh, alright cool," I responded as we turned and walked towards the elevator after she locked her door.  I couldn't believe my ears.  Had I heard her right?  If you ask me, what just happened here is pretty flippin' obvious, I mean like, she made her opinion pretty clear.  The only person who should suspect anything is her boyfriend.  I'm on the battlefield.  Check out books?  On a Friday?  She doesn't even read.  The only reason this chick isn't with me is because he's around.  I've got this.  Cause, think about it, how Could she resist a guy like me?  Guys like me don't come around that often -- I'm not a typical guy.  That would make me a 9 out of every 10 type guy.  I'm more of like a 1 out of every 10 type guy.  And this is all economics, remember?  I give her too good of a consumer opportunity.

            "Did you go out last night?"  I asked her casually as we walked side by side.  It was a pretty good question, as the two of us tend to go out a lot.  We're young people after all.

            "No, I was sick, did you?"  She replied.  She always makes sure to return my questions with another question.  I think that's one of the fundamentals of our chemistry.  She really helps our conversations flourish.  You should take note of that if you're in the dating game.

            "Yeah, I went to Power Hour," I answered on the upbeat so she'd know how great of a time I had.  I really wonder what she's thinking about what I just told her.  I wonder if anybody's ever really came, knocked on her door, and said somethin' like that.  She's probably heard somethin' like that, but I mean, I doubt it had the same effect that I had.  I don't know that for a fact, but I'm thinkin' it's the probability, because, I'm a really fearless type individual, and I'm sure that my audacity came off when I said it.  But regardless of what anybody else has done, I know I've done my job and I've done it well, so hell yeah to me. 

            "Oh, nice, how was it?"  She queried.  Her teeming smile has been superbly consistent since she opened her door and saw me.  She must really have a thing for Sebastian if she's with him while we've got this going on.  But, that's no worry to me really.  I'll steal her away.  I'm too much of a bad boy for it not to happen.  I've just gotta keep doing what I'm doing and she'll fall for it.  I know she likes me as a bad boy cause she's always so giggly and enticed when I'm spittin' all those stories about getting in trouble in high school and stuff.  I even told her the one about me and Ced getting arrested for that one prank junior year.  Somethin' else I just realized is that she's probably gonna connect what I just did with all those stories I told her.  She knows I'm a guy who's not scared to act on impulse, doing daring stuff all the time and everything, and that's something she finds attractive.  She's probably gonna realize it's that same mind set that allowed me to come tell her I like her, despite the fact she's got a boyfriend and all that.  Take a look at that for a second.  What she likes about me is workin' for her.  Damn, this is a good day for her.

            "It was freakin' awesome," I answered amidst my buzzing thoughts, "Have you ever gone?"

            "No, but I've heard it's fun," she replied, still smiley.  At this point we were on the elevator.  We stood behind an old Hispanic guy who'd got on at the 5th floor.  This would have been the perfect time to invite her to next week's Power Hour, but of course I couldn't because of her boyfriend.

            "Oh hell yeah it was, what you doin' tonight?  Going to WWs?"  I asked.  She goes to WWs almost every weekend.  I'm propelling myself through the conversation pretty well, but to be honest with you I feel a little stiff.  I'm dying to know what the hell she thinks about what I've just told her.  But the thing about that is that she doesn't even know yet.  How could she?  Stuff doesn't work like that.  I just gave her some huge information, the type of information girls go nuts over.  First she's gotta hear it, then she's gotta process it, then she's gotta illuminate it--and that's when she's gonna start to fall for me, when she's illuminating it.  I think she's probably swept off her feet right now.  She's probably not thinking much of anything.  But I can tell you when she does click into some brainwork, it's gonna be in my favor.  That's what her actions suggest anyway. 

            "Yeah, probably, what are you doing?"  She remarked.

            "I don't even know yet," I said back.  I feel as if our conversation is utterly flat, because it is.  But I think that's a good thing.  The chick wants to talk to me despite the fact that I'm not being funny or interesting or anything.  Well, maybe I shouldn't say "not interesting," I did just tell her I liked her.

            We had a quick awkward pause where we both looked around the elevator.

            "You said you were sick yesterday?"  I asked; it was the only thing I could think of.

            "Oh my god, yes!" She exclaimed, finally picking up the conversation's punctuation. "I woke up and I felt so terrible.  I had a fever and everything, I felt so hot.  I went back to bed for the whole day."

            "Oh snaaaap, that sucks!"  I came back, empathizing my charming slang. "You must have drank sooooo much the night before!"

            "Hahaha, no, I didn't even go out," she said.  Finally, I'd pushed the convo into some looseness.  Thank Jesus.  But like I said, it's good we were talkin' without flirting or anything, it's good we don't need that.  I guess we actually like each other.

            By now we'd made it to the ground floor and had exited the building.  We walked down Fullerton, side by side, and I couldn't see her face very well.  I had to rely on my peripheral.  But I'm sure she was still smiling.  She's still talking, and that's a good sign.

            "You don't get a fever when you're hung-over," She counterclaimed playfully. 

            "Maybe you didn't really have one.  Did you check your temperature?"  I contested, knowing full well she probably hadn't.

            "Noooo," She remarked musically, in the jovial way the cute girls always do when they're flirting, "But I felt so hot, I was sweating all day."

            "Maybe your roommate turned the heat up." I argued jokingly, turning my face towards hers to make a bit of eye contact.

            "It's April, Jared." she snapped back with her youthful smirk.

            "You better talk to her about that."  I joked.  "I'd be so pissed if my roommate turned the heat up in the spring."

            As we came to the corner, I saw that several of her female friends were sitting and conversing, appropriately enjoying the warm weather, on our friend Elizabeth's porch.  Elizabeth was popular in the neighborhood, she seemed to know everyone, and she was particularly good friends with Alexa.  She wasn't sitting with the group of girls on the porch, she must have gone into the house for something, either that or the other girls were waiting for her to get out.  They all got excited (which was pretty natural for the group) and waved when they saw me and Alexa coming.  We both answered the wave promptly.

            "What's up!?!?"  I shouted, genuinely happy to see them.  They're a great group to hang out with.  I get pretty happy to see most people around the hood.  I guess you could say I'm popular around here too.

            "Nothing much," one of the girls, Marissa, answered.

            "Where are you guys going?" asked Victoria.

            "Vamos a la biblioteca," I answered, considering the fact that I was surrounded by Latinas.  Spanish and Spanglish were always flying around these streets.

            "Actually, I'm going to the store to get chocolate milk," corrected Alexa, changing her destination.

            "Alright, see you later," shouted back Victoria amidst the slew of "byes" that were hollered as we walked by and turned the corner.

            Did I just hear that correctly?  You see what she did there, right?  It's already working, my friends.  She just changed her destination when her friends saw her with me.  She doesn't want them to think she's hanging out with me.  Why not?  They don't know what I just told her.  She gets a notion of unfaithfulness to her boyfriend when she's around me.  It's already begun.  This is happening. She's falling for me.  She has to go get chocolate milk?  What the fuck?  That's almost as bad as checking out books on a Friday.  I should've asked her what books she needed to check out.  Those have gotta be some of the worst excuses I've ever heard.  But I like that.  It's cute.  She's flustered by me.  But all else aside, that's some pretty interesting info: she doesn't want her friends to know she's got a thing for me.  I wonder why?  The only reason I can think of is her boyfriend.  Oh snap, she might start cheating on him with me.  Jesus Christ!!  She's thinking about cheating on her boyfriend with me!  Holy crap, this is amazing!  She's probably still gonna go to the library with me, just watch!

            "Did you see that new movie that came out?"  I asked, as we walked on.

            "Which one?"  She returned.

            "All of the above."  I responded, with my timeless grin.  That comment's gold.  She giggled at it immediately.  I'm not gonna lie, I use that line with girls all the time.  I hope I haven't used it with Alexa yet. . .

            "Haha, no I haven't," she played along, "is that a good one?  It's got a good title."

            "I heard it's ok," I went on, "everything you might expect it to be."

            "Hahaha, ok," She answered.  I don't think she really knew where I was going with that.  I didn't really know where I was going with that.  But that fact that she still laughed is good.  She's all over me. 

            "Alright, I'll see you later," she added on as she all of a sudden turned to go into BJ's liquor store. 

            I stopped dead in my tracks.

            "Where you going?"  I said.

            "To get chocolate milk, haha," She replied.

            "Oh," I said back, utterly shocked, "yeah. . .I'll see you later."

            "See ya," She sang out to me brightly, still with a smile, as she entered the store, flipping her hair as she turned her head.

            What the hell?  What just happened?  Something happened, that's all I can tell ya.  Was I wrong about something?